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Thread: LotR meets Everquest

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2004

    Default LotR meets Everquest

    Saw this on guild web page and decided to put it up here.

    LotR meets Everquest
    If you've read the books, you'll enjoy this Dug it out from some dusty print-outs hehe

    Everquest of the Rings
    SCENE: Rivendell. Elrond is studying.
    GANDALF: Ach! Damn it!

    ELROND: Gandalf! Where did you come from? ... You're naked.

    GANDALF: Stupid halflings who can't play their class, that's what happened.

    ELROND: What? Where?

    GANDALF: Moria. We were in the safe hall at Balin's Tomb and Aragorn was going to pull some orcs to clear the way to the zone out.

    ELROND: Which halfling messed it up? Frodo?

    GANDALF: No, it was Pippin. I didn't even want to bring him along but Frodo did insist. Aragorn was going to pull some orcs but out comes Pippin to 'see what Aragorn was doing' and manages to aggro half the zone.

    ELROND: So you got wiped out by a horde of orcs? Yuck.

    GANDALF: Oh no. They were green to most of us, so we cut through them all right. I was impressed by Legolas' bow crits, but then the Cave Troll got aggroed.

    ELROND: But there were nine of you, you could have handled the cave troll.

    GANDALF: Oh, and we did. Except Frodo didn't know how to manage agro properly. The troll started beating on him.

    ELROND: Oh, no. Poor Frodo.

    GANDALF: No, actually, Frodo was fine. He had a mithril chain tunic on.

    ELROND: Jeez, just because he's friends with Bilbo, does Bilbo have to twink him like that?

    GANDALF: Yeah, no kidding. So the troll ran and Pippin of course forgets to snare.

    ELROND: Aragorn's a ranger, why didn't he snare?

    GANDALF: He was our main tank and was busy keeping the orcs aggroed on him. Pippin was just sleeping on the job. So the troll ran, and before we finally cut him down, he chain aggroed the Balrog.

    ELROND: Oh, no. Stupid halfling druids.

    GANDALF: Yeah. So naturally, I decided to take it on the chin. I told everyone to run and I tried to hold off the Balrog by rooting him.

    ELROND: And he got you.

    GANDALF: No, actually, I had my shield up, and I just chain-nuked him.

    ELROND: You SOLOED the Balrog? Wow!

    GANDALF: Yeah, one hell of an XP hit too, but then when he fell, I turned and slipped off the ledge. I 10Ked when I hit the bottom of the Balrog pit. Didn't even have a chance to loot his corpse. And there went the XP from the orcs, the troll, AND the Balrog. Stupid Verant.

    ELROND: Your corpse is in the bottom of the Balrog pit?

    GANDALF: Yeah, but no worries. I think I know a way to drag it out of there.

    ELROND: That's good.

    GANDALF: So, can I bum a SoW off of you for a CR? I want to get back there before the Balrog respawns.

    ELROND: This is Rivendell. We're high elves. The wood elves are in Lothlorien.

    GANDALF: Nadgers. Which is where we were headed in the first place. Oh well, I am wizard at least, and there's a portal not too far from there.

    ELROND: Good luck on your CR. Why were you hanging out with those noobs anyway?

    GANDALF: I promised Frodo I'd power level him in exchange for him completing the Cracks of Doom quest with me. He has the quest piece - the One Ring.

    ELROND: That's NO DROP, isn't it.

    GANDALF: Yeah.

    ELROND: What do you get for completing that quest?

    GANDALF: Robe of the White and Staff of the White. those would be serious upgrades to my Grey robe and staff. I've had this gear for way too many levels anyway.

    ELROND: Nice.

    GANDALF: Anyway, i'd better go. Do you think you could get someone to the Moria zone to rez me once I get my corpse pulled there?

    ELROND: I'll try to find a guildie.

    GANDALF: Thanks.

    This completely unauthorized parody was brought to you by Relbeek Einre, 54th level hobbit drood, of the Brell Serilis sever.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2003

    Default Re: LotR meets Everquest

    LOL, that's great. It's scary how nicely things can be explained in EQ terms sometimes >_<

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2005

    Default Re: LotR meets Everquest

    Rofl...... do I need say anything else?
    Lender Adverto
    ~Starting fresh~

    *I am nobody*
    >Nobody is perfect<
    -I am perfect-

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    Default Re: LotR meets Everquest

    Hahaha great
    Blame the halflings as usual!!


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2005

    Default Re: LotR meets Everquest

    LOL! That was great.

    I can't help but relate things in movies to EQ sometimes. When they first started running from all the orcs in that scene, I turned to my husband and said, "TRAIN!" {rolleyes}

    70 Dark Elf Cleric on The Nameless (Formerly of Innoruuk)
    Recruiting Officer of Immortalis Kruoris

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005

    Default Re: LotR meets Everquest

    Lol heres the LotR meets WoW GIF...

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2005

    Default Re: LotR meets Everquest

    ~~~"Frodo Meets EverQuest"~~~

    Frodo looked out across the barren landscape, the Ring heavy in his pocket. "Oh, Sam, I'm so tired. We have travelled so far, and endured so much to come to this horrid place at last. But I cannot go on, I simply have not the strength to continue."

    "Enough of that, Mr. Frodo", Sam said, tears welling in his sad brown eyes. The six months of travel showed on Samwise Gamgee, and the strain of getting
    to this hellish point echoed still in his darkened countenance. His hood was drawn up against the hot wind blowing from the slopes of the infernal mountain. "Mr. Elrond chose well, he did, when he held counsel. He saw through to your heart, and knew you would be strong, Mr. Frodo, and that's what you are. Come now, let's get moving. The faster we're done with this unpleasant business the faster we can get back to the Shire." Sam glanced uneasily at Gollum, still tressed in the elven rope, and scratching where it burned his skin. Gollum glared back at Sam, an unmistakeable hungry leer in his look.

    "Aye, Samwise, it has been a long road, it's true. I do wish old Bilbo had never found this ring, and started us all on this perilous...what was that noise? Orcs?"

    On the path ahead, a commotion arose. Cheers and ragged screams welled from what sounded like a hundred voices filled the chasms around Mt. Doom with an unholy cacophany. From the cave mouth just ahead, where the Fires of Mt. Doom burned forever, a giant Ogre came stumbling out, and trod to within inches of where Gollum, Samwise, and Frodo sat. The three shrank back against the cliff in fear, but the ogre took no notice of them. Instead, he raised his cudgel to the sky, and screamed in the full timbre of his ogrish voice, "WOOT! Dark Lord PWNED!"

    An answering call of a hundred voices echoed from without the cave, and many a shout of "Woot!" and "Gratz!" came, as more and more beings piled forth from the cave. Elves, Hobbits, Trolls, and Humans all came forth, slapping the ogre on the back and looking at a small black bag the ogre held in his other hand. "PWNED!"

    "Uhm, excuse me...", began Frodo.

    "Eh?" the ogre turned and looked at the halfing, noticing him for the first time. "WTF are you doing here? Is that Mithril? Dude, wtf are you doing in this zone in Mithril? Go to Lothlorien, and get yourself a Galadriel Skin Tunic. It's like so much better than that crap you're wearing. Mithril, that's like, tradeskill stuff, right? Hey, Ubernutz, check this hobbit out, he's in this zone in fooking tradeskill crap!"

    "Just a sec, Urofsuke," a half elf said from a little ways up the trail. "I'm doing loot. Did you say tradeskill stuff? Hah, how lame!"

    Frodo's head swam, with hunger and the heat. "Yes, the tunic, it was forged by dwarves long ago, and was given to me by my Uncle..."

    "You're a twink?"

    "Ah, hmm. I was just wondering..ah, you see, I found this Ring, lost for centuries, and was sent on a quest from Rivendell to destroy..."

    "You're doing the fooking QUEST?! BWAH, hahahah, that's rich, dude, no one has the time to wait for that Gollum puke to spawn! Just come and kill TDL and get his hand, and do the turn in from there. LOL, I can't believe you waited for the fooking ring." Urofsuke peered down at the little hobbit, a look of distain across his broad face. "Doesn't matter now, of course, we just pwned TDL and he won't be around for a while."

    Frodo blinked, confused by the ogre's words. "TDL...?"

    Urofsuke sighed, and took on a tone of voice usually reserved for small, ogrish children who had eaten a froglok right before their dinnertime. "The Dark Lord, dude. The boss mob in this zone. We just killed him, so he won't be up for you to do the quest part with that ring."

    "But the council of Rivendell...."

    "Dude, let me tell you, Rivendell sucks. It's only good for tradeskills. Only reason to go to that zone is to pharm crowns from Elrond. Nice crown, but it's his rare. He usually just drops a no drop phial, heals damage from Mordor Blades. Like anyone uses one of those POS things."

    "Pharm...crowns?" Frodo's vision blurred, and he swayed backwards, momentarily losing his footing. He knocked against Gollum, who let out a yelp and scampered further back against the cliff.

    "Holy fook, it's Gollum!" and without another word, Urofsuke smashed Gollum with a mighty blow from his cudgel, and killed the poor, pathetic creature outright. Gollum let out a small squeal, then lay still, pressed against the elven cord. "Hahahah! Fooking Greenie mob! I love those!", and the ogre walked up and took a heretofore unseen bag from Gollum's back. "Woot! Gollum's satchel! This'll bring me a couple kpp! Uh, dude, there's another ring on the corpse, it's no drop, and not lore, if you want it..."

    "Now see here, Gollum was with us!" Samwise began, momentarily overcoming his bewilderment and fear to approach the towering ogre. "We were taking him

    "Can't claim an outdoor mob, dude. Gollum's FFA. If you didn't attack him, he's not your mob. Sorry, them's the rules."

    "Urofsuke, my alt just reported Smaug up in Gondor, dude, let's go!" Ubernutz had finished handing around what appeared to be a darkened sword and crown. "We're porting out from here, you in?"

    "Yeah, I"m coming. Well, nice talking to you guys. We're porting to Gondor, you guys need a lift?"

    "We have walked for many months to come to this place..." Frodo began again, trying to regain some measure of control over the situation.

    "You WALKED? In MITHRIL? To MOUNT DOOM? Dude, there's a port in at Minas Morgul! wtf ever, okay? I'm outta here." And with that, a shimmering light surrounded the ogre, and a whooshing sound heralded his disappearance, and the disappearance of the other hundred or so souls that had gathered on that desolate trail, leaving Samwise and Frodo alone, once again, with only the bleeding corpse of Gollum for company. The one ring of power gleamed dully in Frodo's hand, and seemed, for a long while, to be just a bit heavier than it had been.

    Beastlord of Destruction
    Priest Coaidiel Ovhate
    75 Cleric of the Rathe

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2006

    Default Re: LotR meets Everquest

    Some really funny stuff, I especially liked the LotR/EQ *.gif


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