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Thread: I need some advice

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    68

    Default I need some advice

    First of all this section of the Forum should be titled: Rants, Raves, Vents and Lunatics. anyways

    I am 25 years of age and have been playing Everquest for almost two years. Just before I got addicted to Everquest I got married, then she got pregnant and I got absorbed into the whole that is Everquest. Repeatedly through the last two years I have had to redue my playtime and reduce it and reduce it to where I was playing maybe 1-2 days a week for at most 4-5 hours each time. During these sessions, wife was at work and baby was sleeping. Was only time I could find for me without her raising hell. This past week I closed my everquest account on my billing date. I love my family dearly but I feel that If i am not allowed a venue for venting my frustration, it will ruin my family anyways. I am planning on waiting at least 1-2 months before approaching my wife. But I am curious of tactics, ideas, anything to help me out here. I wouldn't share my dirty laundry if I didnt think that maybe some of you have been in a similar situation.


    I thank each and everyone of you for any help you might offer.
    Hi there! Names Kirryinia. I don't care whether you love me or hate me, but never forget I am the one that keeps your @$$ alive!

    Kirryinia Luvintouch~~Temporarily Retired
    Future Vicar of Tunare
    42nd Season and Now a Temperance Giver

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    347

    Default Re: I need some advice

    I would for those few months find another hobby, (as us men will do anyway) that consumes just as much time, but away from the house, when she starts cmplaining tell her ya could keep a hobby at home. She needs to realize us men folk will if not playing a silly on line game, will prob be building a car, playing with a boat, fishing religiously, hunting etc etc... Just need to make her realize it IS a hobby, not some weird addiction.. Ive had issues in my past while playing and having g/fs' (not wives but close enough) And i simply had to explain to them it is a hobby... Some people dont understand the fasination of us building our chars, but in true light they dont understand our fasination for building silly cars! Just for years building cars (jus cars as example as any given hobby) has been more acceptable in society as being "normal"

    They love to through up in your face.."Its a waste of time that wont last forever" Well Over the years (pre eq) I had built many car projects I no longer own, Sold because I either lost interest in them or moved on to newer projects. hobbys are just that...time sinks for personal satisfaction..

    As long as ya not ruining your family by loseing jobs/sleep etc over the hobby, then there should be no harm..
    Priest Coaidiel Ovhate
    75 Cleric of the Rathe

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Posts
    640

    Default Re: I need some advice

    I'm married and my wife doesn't play EQ. She doesn't "get it" at all. I play when I can, but when she wants/needs attention she gets it and my EQ playtime suffers. There is no way I'd ever let a game screw up my marriage. Normally I'd get to play 3-4 days a week, including the weekend, but at the moment we are trying to get pregnant. Nature is not working with us, so we are now getting a little "assisstance" from science. I call it the "turkey baster method"...

    What that means is that right now her need for affection and attention is at an all time high and my playtime now fluctuates between zero and 3 days per week of playtime. I can live with that. Why? Because I love her and she needs me there. Learning to balance our RL relationships with our time spent playng EQ is a real balancing act, but in the end RL should always win out. Period. So play when you can, and enjoy the time spent with your wife and kid(s).
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    Pomaikai Po`okela
    70 Exarch

    Capitalization is the difference between
    "Helping your uncle Jack off a horse"
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    68

    Default Re: I need some advice

    again thanks for advice, but Poma thats the thing I had it all balanced out and she still wanted to find something to complain(*cough*b%tch*cough*) about. so, rather than give her EQ to fuel her fire, i called her bluff and cancelled my account. will it make her change her mind? realize that i NEED a venue for venting, i doubt it. She'll complain about every hobby id be interested except for fishing. The silly woman likes to fish go figure.
    Hi there! Names Kirryinia. I don't care whether you love me or hate me, but never forget I am the one that keeps your @$$ alive!

    Kirryinia Luvintouch~~Temporarily Retired
    Future Vicar of Tunare
    42nd Season and Now a Temperance Giver

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    347

    Default Re: I need some advice

    hehe thats just women for yas...
    Priest Coaidiel Ovhate
    75 Cleric of the Rathe

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    174

    Default Re: I need some advice

    Been there kirryinia, I feel for you.

    I got lucky and now my wife plays EQ beside me.

    She used to hate the computer and the time I spent on it playing games, now she understands it. But she knows why she was upset, and it was mostly lack of understanding (communication) and me 'neglecting' the family over games... I did have a tendency to play a little too much, which I'm much better with now. The biggest thing with my wife was that she saw EQ (and other Computer games) as competition for my attention. I went a long way to smoothing things over by doing special things for her to let her know that she came first.

    I've got EQ buddies who were in the same situation as you and I get my wife to talk to them (usually on the phone as it's easier). From overhearing many of those conversations, I've learned a few tricks that often seem to work.

    1. She needs to know and understand that you need your 'hobby time'. Weather it's EQ, building models, fixing cars, whatever. It's your time and you are entitled to some time for yourself. Talk to her and explain what it is that you get out of playing, explain the benefits of your being able to relax/wind down etc. Few couples can survive without a little time to do your own thing.

    2. Bribes... I wouldn’t call them that to her, but if she sees you going out of your way to do something special for her and the family, she should be a little more open to you taking some time here and there for 'hobby time'.

    3. Introduce her to the game (if she's willing). Let her sit down and chat with your guildies for a bit, show her around, roll her up her own character and twink her so she looks cool, make her feel like you want to share your hobby with her. Some women take well to this, other's won't even try. If you can share it with her a bit, she might lighten up a bit. Many couples (myself included) can grow closer together by sharing such hobbies. (I've turned my wife into such a gamer girl geek! It's great, but don't tell her I called her that! and it all started with EQ.)

    4. Most of all, let her know that she comes first. You love her and she matters the most. Most women see games and such as competition. Show her however you can, that there's no competition. She needs to understand the need to unwind etc, but that it takes nothing away from her or your relationship. Good communication is a MUST to get this across. Actions often speak louder than words, so show her how you feel the way only you can (be creative).

    Remember, these things point out things my wife suggested to others in your situation, call it insider info if you will

    There's no 'one solution' to these kinds of problems though, but having gone through it myself and listening to my wife talk other men though it has given me some insight. Both from the man's perspective AND a woman's. Trust me, Men ARE from Mars and Women are from Venus. We'll never understand them completely, but the more we try to look at things from their perspective and honestly try to understand, the better we'll be equipped to deal with problems when they arise.

    Good luck... and Man, this was longer winded than I intended!

    Cleric of "Grave Wisdom" - The Rathe

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    68

    Default Re: I need some advice

    Niz longwinded is just fine by me. as for your pointers, i've beenthere and done them all. I am doomed unless i find a way to convince her EQ is a good thing. i screwd up in the beginning and played EQ ALL teh time. she has even tried playing it about 3-4 times but she just doesnt "get it" as before staed by others.
    Hi there! Names Kirryinia. I don't care whether you love me or hate me, but never forget I am the one that keeps your @$$ alive!

    Kirryinia Luvintouch~~Temporarily Retired
    Future Vicar of Tunare
    42nd Season and Now a Temperance Giver

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: I need some advice

    I twinked my wife a rogue and she has been BSing mobs by my side ever since. That was 4 years ago and now we yell at the kids if they get into OUR time.

    Dont consider is YOUR hobby. Talk to her and get her to realize that its time for the both of you to disappear into another world and put the RL out of your mind for a couple hours a night. Noone can argue with leaving stress behind for a little bit.

    EQ Pros:
    - No bill collectors can send you a /tell
    - You only have enough computers for you two. No room for the kids to play.
    - Its a monthly cost, not $6 a ticket and $20 popcorn like the movie theater.
    - You cant laugh with each other when you kill someone. RL cops arrive too fast.
    - No need to argue about RL issues. Take it to the Arena and settle it like cartoons!

    Seriously. You both do things with each other. You engage in her hobbies and vice versus. Its a relationship, not a wifeship or husbandship.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    68

    Default Re: I need some advice

    Egras, frankly my friend i'm tired of tryin to include her. I have twinked a toon for her. ive let her play my twinks. I don't try to control her ingame, i have tried to give her the gist of it and let her freely roam, when she dies I suck up the experience loss. who cares if she kills my toon, if it breaks through her stubborness. I'd let her delevel me to 45 if it helped lol. god forbid that cause 45-55 was my hell levels.
    Hi there! Names Kirryinia. I don't care whether you love me or hate me, but never forget I am the one that keeps your @$$ alive!

    Kirryinia Luvintouch~~Temporarily Retired
    Future Vicar of Tunare
    42nd Season and Now a Temperance Giver

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Posts
    640

    Default Re: I need some advice

    Start playing golf. Go spend a thousand bucks on clubs and go spend time on the course. She has got to understand that you both need some time alone in order to keep your sanity. That said, make sure that you take the kids and give her time alone as well. I can guarantee you that a lot of this is her feeling like she is now permanently saddled with the kids while you get to do something fun by yourself. Make sure that you afford her the same opportunity of free time that you are asking for.
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    Pomaikai Po`okela
    70 Exarch

    Capitalization is the difference between
    "Helping your uncle Jack off a horse"
    and "helping your uncle jack off a horse"



    Sig courtesy of Hijinx Studios

  11. #11
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    68

    Default Re: I need some advice

    well, poma its not even like that. When I am here I spend alot of time taking care of our daughter and making sure she knows that daddy loves her.

    See, that's what i don't get. I help her in any and every way that I possibly can. I do as much as one person physically can to show her what she and our daughter mean to me, yet I'm still not allowed to be me when Im alone. *shrug* I feel like I have already lost this battle
    Hi there! Names Kirryinia. I don't care whether you love me or hate me, but never forget I am the one that keeps your @$$ alive!

    Kirryinia Luvintouch~~Temporarily Retired
    Future Vicar of Tunare
    42nd Season and Now a Temperance Giver

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Posts
    640

    Default Re: I need some advice

    Chalk it all up to hormones and move on. Trying to understand women is a lost cause. You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em, and you can't kill 'em because Mexico has extradition...
    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
    Pomaikai Po`okela
    70 Exarch

    Capitalization is the difference between
    "Helping your uncle Jack off a horse"
    and "helping your uncle jack off a horse"



    Sig courtesy of Hijinx Studios

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    174

    Default Re: I need some advice

    I'm at a loss as well then. Sounds like you have done all that's been suggested.

    All I can think of now is that there is some other underlying reason why she doesn't want you to play EQ. Is it just EQ she's opposed to, or other hobbies as well?

    And LOL at Pomaikai

    Cleric of "Grave Wisdom" - The Rathe

  14. #14
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    68

    Default Re: I need some advice

    extradition eh? might have to look into bribery prices. i mean ahem. Thanks for all your advice. I am going to attempt another hobby and see what happens.
    Hi there! Names Kirryinia. I don't care whether you love me or hate me, but never forget I am the one that keeps your @$$ alive!

    Kirryinia Luvintouch~~Temporarily Retired
    Future Vicar of Tunare
    42nd Season and Now a Temperance Giver

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    1

    Default Re: I need some advice

    I am done with EQ as of this morning 22 months left on my subscription. Real Life is MUCH more important. If you really love her do as I did.

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